Conflicted

So confused and at a loss for explanation
What am I gonna do, gonna say?
So much is at stake
So much will be missed
I can't decide
My mind is too small for this
What if someone gets hurt?
What if someone gets lost?
Lord I need you in this with me
If it's your will then let it be done
If not, then help me to see
I need your grace and guidance
I need strength and resistance
Lord bless me with the insight I need to go through
And give me peace with the outcome.

Abba

You make me thirsty Lord
Thirsty for your love
Thirsty for your grace
Thirsty for your presence.
You make my spirit burn Lord
Burn for your glory
Burn for your mercy
Burn for your graciousness.
You make my soul sing Lord
Sing for your praise
Sing for your forgiveness
Sing for your truth.
You bring me strength when I have no more.
You love me when I don't deserve it.
You died so that I could be saved.
I love you Abba.

why I FUCKING HATE amtrack

Today I was supposed to go home from a dear friends house at 10:40 am by bus and connect to a train. This did not happen.... Instead we missed the bus and had to wait until 3:35 pm for the next bus. This upset me but it was partially my own fault that I missed it. So we come back to the station at 3:15 pm and the bus is now 15 min late. Now I was getting even more angry. We wait and finally it arrives 30 minutes later. I get on, say my goodbyes to my friend, and board the bus....which is nearly full.... So I take the last empty pair of seats right up front, and then a small Asian lady boards and sits in the seat next to me rather quickly...on my purse. I notify her that my purse is underneath her tight little ass and she pulls it from behind her and throws it in the ground without a word....I have an hr on this fucking bus with her. Well finally I arrive at the train station and rush to the tracks. I board a train that someone mistakingly tells me is the one I need. I sit down. Get comfortable. Then I decide I should ask another passenger to be sure. It's not my train. So I grab all my shit and rush off right before it leaves the station. I go to the ticket master counter and inquire as when my train should arrive. The young man tells me that it will be announced on the overheads shortly. I ask if he can just tell me which track I should go to to wait? He says that also will be announced shortly......fucker..... So I go outside and here that the Sacramento bound train is on track four and will be departing in five minutes. I run to the track and jump on right before the doors close. Thankfully I run into an employee and double check that I am indeed on the correct train. He assures me that I am. So I clumsily climb the narrow staircase and bump into about 4 people along my walk to a suitable seat for me and my belongings. I get out my lovely laptop and try to pull up netflix....it's blocked by the network....fuckers.....I try hulu.....also blocked by the network.....fuckers......I try youtube and several other streaming sites I can think of.....all blocked by the network. Every webpage I go to takes forever to load....and I for got my complete set of Harry Potter dvd's at my friends house....shit on my life..... And on top of it all aunt Flo came to town. Best. Day. Ever....-_-

Lost One

I love the sound of footsteps in the sand
And wooden soled shoes on wet cobblestones.

I can't see someone cry without crying myself.
I'm not as strong as I should be.

I love squishy pillows and soft blankets,
I want to go...anywhere...everywhere.

Do you know me?
I wish I did.

Everyone's looking for themselves.
And I'm just one of them...one of the lost ones.

What the fuck?
Why is this happening
More and more
I don't want this anymore
To be honest I never did
Take me home
Somewhere I know