Stats

I was always a statistic

But now I am human

I breathe

I blink

I love

Fuck your numbers

I will live

I was always a statistic, but now I am human

Someone else

Sometimes I feel as though someone else is speaking
Playing with my lips and my tongue to make speech come forth
Who they are I do not know
They were here before myself came to be
They knew it all before I ever had a chance to learn
How do they control me so?
I can not breathe so well with them here
They have lodged themselves in my chest
Sitting and waiting to have there moment to shine
But it's nice to have company sometimes
So I don't really mind

What I wish I had said

Everything I wish I had said
Lay still unwritten in my aching head.
You don't know what it's like,
To have someone turn off your light.
And you're alone.
In the dark.
Not a spark.
In the dark.

I wish I had told you that you can't sing.
I wish I had told you that your feet stink.
I wish I had told you that hat was dumb.
I wish I had told you I hated that song.
I wish I had told you that your friends were jerks.
I wish I had told you that your pants were indeed too tight
I wish I had told you I hated your bike.
I wish I had told you that show was weird.
I wish I had told you to get rid of that beard.
I wish I had told you that you were mean.
I wish I had told you that you couldn't love.
There's a list of 100 things I wish I said.
They lay still unwritten in my aching head.

But now I found myself a real man.
He's the greatest love I've ever had.
And I'm so glad you left me alone.
Or else I would've missed my new found home.

I Love You

You're my sunshine,
My peace of mind.
You are the words I can't seem to find.

I want you to know it all,
Feel it all,
See it all.

I want you in my heart,
In my arms,
In my head.

When you are near I can't hear,
My heart beating,
Screaming-
"O MY DEAR!"

Don't you see?
See what you do to me?
I can't breathe.

Because I love you

Try

I AM TRYING!
O, how I am trying...
Trying not to miss your smile, your kiss, your touch...
I know you're not lost
But I miss you still

I want you here...
With me...
I wish you were near...
With me...

Why can't it be normal?
Why can't we be normal?
I guess it wouldn't be the same
For better or for worse..
Right?

Let me Live

You cannot tell me how to live.
I will fall but get back up
You cannot change a streak of badluck
Or prevent a blessing in disguise
If I should fall and scrape my knee,
Please hand me a bandaid and let it be
If I am jumping for joy
Then jump with me in jubilee.
I will not live in fear but faith
I will trust that He knows where I am headed
I will trust that He knows what is best
All I can do is live
So place your judgments elsewhere
You know not my heart and it's condition
Please do not presume that you know best.
I love that you care, but your smothering is killing me slowly and painfully
I have enough guilt and shame on my own without you piling more on also
I will not tell you anything
You have lost that privilege and will never know
Because you are blinded by your own "righteousness"
I have someone higher to confide in
His opinion is the only one that matters
I want to learn from my own mistakes
Not hear what I should and should not do according to you
You broke me that night
At first all was well
You were speaking truth
Then you let yourself be blinded by what "is best for me"
But all I heard was ignorance and misplaced hatred and distrust
Do you honestly think I would be so stupid as to make the same mistake twice?
No, I have learned.
I am not a child, so please don't presume that I should be treated as one.
This is where I am.
Whether you're here with me or not,
I will not be moved by you.
I will step forward and not look back until I hear His command
I have a path to follow which may not make sense to you
But please do not judge me for that.
You do not know where it is that I am going
So please do not try to put me on the path of your making
But rejoice with me as I walk down the one He has made.

Fairy Tale

You're like a fairy tale that I have made
In the depths of my mind you seem to stay
A memory, meant for me.
Something close to the surface still I cannot see
Who it could be, I don't know.
I toss a penny into the sea and watch it sink
I guess that means no wish for me
But how about a prayer if you please?
Mr. starfish let me see.
Into the depths that I have made.
Is that where my true love must stay?
Let the sirens take me down
I will not fight away but follow
To spend just one moment down below
In my fairy tale